Counselor, Relationship, and Marriage Expert, Counselor Frank Edem Adofoli has urged married men not to use the story of media personality Kofi Adoma as a yardstick to cheat.
The counselor took to his page to write a long write giving reasons why the marital crisis of radio presenter Kofi Adoma should not be used as a yardstick in marriages. He also advised men not to expect their wives to accept other mistresses because the wife of Kofi Adoma did.
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In a lengthy post, he wrote:
“I have tried so much to restrict myself from the ongoing brouhaha about Kofi Adoma’s marriage not because he is a friend but because marriage is a private business. What I am sharing is just for educational purposes and I pray no one reads or imports different meanings into it but will stay within the context of the write-up.
We need to know we are all different, our paths, journey, struggles, family, and upbringings are different and so are our personalities. As such when you get into a relationship or marry anyone, your marriage will always be different from that of others.
It is a good thing for Miracle and Kofi to share their journey for others to learn from but that does not make their marriage a model one. Miracle is not a model spouse and same as Kofi. So it is wrong for Miracle to tell others to behave like her, the same way it will be wrong for any man out there to want his woman to behave like Miracle.
If Miracle accepted that, her father was the reason why she couldn’t be with Kofi, this could have made it easier for her to accept Kofi messing around. To her, if the father had allowed their relationship or love, then Kofi might not have room to do what he did.
Miracle will get angry and blame the father for Kofi’s behavior but will accept Kofi’s excuses or reasons for his behavior and even support him in any way she can. If she gave Kofi money to rent and live with another woman, it was not hard for her to do so. If she gave Kofi money for the introduction of another woman who was pregnant for him, it was not a hard thing for her to do. To her, her father is the cause.
Again, according to them, their marriage was a traditional or customary one, which means it is polygamous, so the expectation of his wife being the only wife and woman in his life was not there. She will not be happy to see Kofi with another woman. But she won’t get hurt like someone who is in a monogamous marriage and expects the husband to be with only her and no one else.
People need to understand that many of our disappointments or heartbreaks are a result of our expectations. It is about how we are expecting things to go or be. You, whose marriage is monogamous, don’t expect your wife to accept another mistress because Kofi Adoma did that and the wife was okay with it. Your situation is different from others.
Again, according to their story, Kofi was at a point open to the wife about the affair to the extent of letting her know he has impregnated another woman which required him to go for an introductory rite. Their story is different from husbands who are having affairs with mistresses and have even impregnated them but when the wife asks about the relationship or affair, they deny it, calling their wife crazy for manufacturing stories. How do you expect such a woman to understand you and even support you?
Their story is also different from husbands who are in monogamous marriages but have gone ahead to impregnate another woman and also marry this other woman traditionally, which is a crime (bigamy).
Our marriages are a reflection of who we are. No woman or man is an angel or saint. We are all not perfect and have our shortcomings and weaknesses. So before you compare someone’s marriage or relationship to yours, remember there is another side of their stories you don’t know. Until yesterday, the public didn’t know about Kofi and his wife’s stories.
Find a mature way to handle your marital issues. Live an honest life, open up about your addiction, weakness, and struggles to those you want to share your life with as a spouse so they know how best to help you, know you, and prepare for what is ahead of them. Don’t hide, lie your way out, and expect them to live with you and support you. Some surprise or shock can kill. In the same way some disappointment can kill.
In conclusion, “A good man is guided by his honesty; the evil man is destroyed by his dishonesty.” – Proverbs 11:3 (TLB).
– Frank Edem Adofoli (Counselor Adofoli)
Counselor, ADR Practitioner, Conference Speaker, Author & Consultant
CEO, The Marriage Consult LTD.
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source: www.ghgossip.com
