British queen, Queen Elizabeth II has received over one million photos of people’s manhood ever since she joined social media site Instagram, according to reports.
Sources from the Buckingham Palace revealed that these D1ck photos came in “all shapes, sizes and colours” as well as arriving from almost every country in the world.
“The Queen has been really loving life since she signed up to Instagram,” confirmed our source. “She’s been walking around the palace with a huge smile on her face and giggling like a school girl every time she looks at her phone, the atmosphere in here hasn’t been this good since the weekend of Princess Di’s car crash.”
“Normally, the only D1cks Lizzy gets to see are her two grandsons, but she hasn’t seen an actual D1ck in almost twenty years,” continued our source. “So seeing so many, in such a short space of time, has had a real positive impact on her, it’s taken years off her mental health, she’s walking around whistling the national anthem with a real glint in her eyes.”
“Everyone in the Palace has been feeling the positive effects of the D1ck pics, apart from Philip, obviously, he’s not too happy about them at all,” our source revealed. “Not a lot of people know this, but Phil’s actually got a micropen!s so seeing all of these averagely sized cocks has made him really jealous, he’s even taking to driving blindfolded in protest against them, it’s only a matter of time before someone gets hurt.”
According to reports, the Queen has chosen a selection of British pen!ses who will be invited to the Palace for her birthday celebrations this year.
“The honours list this year is very likely to be made up entirely of men with large or misshapen pen!ses,” another Palace insider claimed. “We’ve got one man, for Durham, who is likely to be knighted on account of his seventeen inch dong, while another man from Belfast will be given an OBE because his cock looks exactly like Jimmy Somerville. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”
If you would like to slide into the Queen’s DMs, we’ve been advised she prefers unfiltered images of semi erect pen!ses with soft back lighting, she’ll also be awarding extra points for D1ck pics featuring dogs.
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