Renowned counsellor, Counsellor Adofoli has dished some cool and nice advise to young people. He has advised young people dating never to beg people to convince their partners to stay.
According to the counselor, if you want your relationship to work, you first need to admit that there is work to be done and that starts with you not your spouse.
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Read full statement here:
Don’t ask people to persuade your partner to stay with you when you have issues and as a result they want to leave or call off the relationship which you have tried so much to build over time. You should rather ask people to help you change so you can save your relationship.
If you want your relationship to work, you first need to admit that there is work to be done and that starts with you not your spouse. Once you identify that and start working on it, you can be sure of a change from your end. This change on your part will have a positive effect on your relationship.
If you think you don’t understand why your partner is leaving, then it means you haven’t been sensitive enough to notice. You have not paid much attention to your partner, you have ignored them, you have been more selfish. It means you don’t listen to them.
This is the right time to call for a meeting and show your commitment by listening to them. Don’t call for the meeting to argue, but to discuss the future of your relationship.
The fate of your relationship depends on your response at the meeting. Make good use of your head at that meeting. One thing that makes you a human being is because you have one head.
During your conversation, allow your partner to talk, voice out their feelings, frustrations, anger and all the bad emotions they have hidden or kept away from you because you were not listening. When you both talk at the same time who will listens to who? It will only turn the discussion into an argument. Soon it ends up as a matter of who is right and who is not. Who is the cause of the problem and who is not.
No one wants to be the loser in an argument, which means none will be listening to the other, not to talk of understanding each other. You scare your partner. You have become a man with two heads; a monster.
The next thing to consider is your eyes, there is a reason God gave you two eyes and not one. It means your partner has their view on the issue and you have yours. You need the two views to be able to solve it.
The bible says we are all partially blind, meaning you see half, same as your partner. You need the two views to have a better view and understanding of the issue.
Apply the same principle to the nose, it has two holes. You might feel comfortable with the issue but your partner might not, you need to smell from their end too.
Lastly you have one mouth, which is positioned in the middle of you face below both your eyes and nose. What it means is, before you speak; make sure you have carefully analyzed the issue from your point of view and smelled that of your partner.
There is a reason for your partner’s change. They are not happy leaving or staying. The pains you cause them has changed them. It has reduced their trust for you. It has made them over think, cry a lot and in some cases, it even shuts them down. So they conclude leaving is the best solution now. If you have to make them stay, you don’t need people to convince them.
In conclusion “You who pretend to be someone you are not, first take the big piece of wood out of your own eye. Then you can see better to take the small piece of wood out of your brother’s eye” – Matthew 7:5 (NLV).
READ ALSO: ‘Your Boyfriend is Not Your Father; He Is Not Dating You To Take Care Of Your Needs’– Counselor Adofoli