Renowned Ghanaian counsellor, Counsellor Adofoli has indicated that falling in love with someone doesn’t make you married to the person.
He made this known in his recent submission on his official Facebook page and his message was titled, ‘INTIMACY DOESN’T MAKE YOU MARRIED’.
The full message reads;
INTIMACY DOESN’T MAKE YOU MARRIED
Written by Counselor Adofoli
I am tired of hearing the statement “all the men who come my way want sex from me and when they are done, they leave without getting married to me”. Ladies who make such statements don’t know what they want in a relationship. Being intimate with someone or having sex with someone doesn’t qualify you as a married couple, neither does it signify you are married.
In the same way, developing strong feelings or emotional connection or bond with someone doesn’t make you married to them. Marriage goes beyond emotional connection, having sex with someone or getting intimate with them in any way.
Marriage is a serious decision that has a customary or traditional backing, state or legal backing and also religious backing. It’s not marriage if he or she has not performed the necessary customary or traditional rites. It’s not marriage if he or she has not signed any legal documents that binds you two together as a couple.
The fact that you fell in love with someone should not make you think you are married for marriage goes beyond that. The fact that they introduced you to their friends and family as the one they are going out with, doesn’t mean they are married to you.
The fact that you decided to move in together and do things together doesn’t make you two a married couple. The fact that you have businesses or property together doesn’t make you a married couple.
The fact that you have kid(s) together doesn’t make you two married couples, even if you plan to get married to the person you have had children with in the future. If you think having sex with them or being intimate is how you get them to marry get you, then please re-think.
If you think having kid(s) with them is how you get them to marry you, then please have a re-think, if you think having a business together or moving in together is how you get them to marry you, then please re-think.
Before you do any of those things, take time to ask yourself “what if you don’t end up together as a married couple in the future, will you be okay?” If the answer is no then please get married to them first before making any of those commitments.
For those in such relationships who pretend to be married and keep calling your partner “your spouse”, “husband” or “wife”, it’s time you stopped deceiving yourself. Such lies may make you believe you are married now but the truth is you are not married and might not have a future together. It might end up in tears.
It’s true some relationships are undefined but if you are in because of marriage, please make sure you two are on the same page. Don’t pretend that because someone says they love you or is interested in you means they want to get married to you. And if you want your relationship to last, if you don’t want to keep yourself in a fool’s paradise, then don’t lie to yourself or pretend to be married.
In conclusion, “Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food” – Proverbs 12:9 (NIV).